You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
