she woke up with a sticky ear
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
