i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
