found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
