***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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