Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
