I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
