just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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