I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
