Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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