oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
