smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I have post one night stand depression
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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