barbara walters just said penis...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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