I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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