omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
