Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
