Do you still have your period?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
