Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
