Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
