I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
