so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
