The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is this like a preordered booty call?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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