I just pynch a tree in the face
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
