she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
