Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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