I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We are two peas in an std pod
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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