Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I will be naked everywhere
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
