dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
These tits shall not be calmed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
