May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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