3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
