it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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