How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
