I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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