Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
