I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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