I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
