what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
