Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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