How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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