Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
