It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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