I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
