I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
