those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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