Man, jail baloney is awful.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
