wanna go halves on a baby?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
