please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
