the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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