dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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