Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
