don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
