Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The air was thick with penises
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
