I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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